dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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