What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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