My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
