I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
