I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize