Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
