angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
