hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
