Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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