I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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