does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
