just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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