Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
