Can Purell be used as lube?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
