Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
