Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
