fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
