My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
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