youre lurking in front of me
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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