i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
