I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
