How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
