"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
