drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Rumble strips road head = magical
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
