How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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