Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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