The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
4 words: hood of his car
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
