Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
