The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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