I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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