I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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