I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
