i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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