They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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