His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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