it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
