Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
