There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
