i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
