we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
