I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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