Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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