i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
