Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
