i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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