Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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