dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
even my farts smell like vagina
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
