So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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