I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
