why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
