Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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