I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
