If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
