so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
