My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
