pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
God I need to hump something, right now.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
