I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
