You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Mom said you looked used
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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