my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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