you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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