There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
