Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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