By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
