She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
