His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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