Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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