come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
