Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
