I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
