It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
