is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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