like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
