i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
