a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
