I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
