walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize